Of all the posts I've done about my daughter's illness, I've touched on our daughter's struggles with her illness and Anastasia and my struggles as parents. One thing that I haven't touched on is the impact it has had on our son. For only being 14 years old, he's a pretty wise old soul. He can see what happens with his sister and he is very empathetic. He also gets very frustrated when she rages and can't understand why she goes to such extremes over nothing. My son has also taken to writing poetry and his theme is "Life". He has filled notebooks full of poems. I think he uses them to help deal with his sister's illness.
When EC dropping earlier this week I came upon a post on Monica's blog Oh Fer Cryin' Out Loud - Amazing Writing. Monica has a son who has gone through many of the same things my daughter has. Monica posted a poem by the twin brother of another child going through much the same things. It's a poem to let the siblings of a child with bipolar, depression or other mental illness know that they are not alone. It's a poem from a child with an amazing gift to be able to put his feelings in writing. These feelings that I know my own son feels about his sister. This is not a poem from my son, it is a poem from Monica's site, but it really could be a poem from any sibling dealing with a brother or sister who has a mental illness.
You Have To Be His Brother To Understand
What is it like to feel anger, broken-heartedness, and love at the same time?
You have to be his brother to understand.
What is it like to watch your brother constantly hurt your mom,
And feel no remorse,
Because he hardly understands what he’s doing at the time?
what is it like to have to sit there, and remain silent,
All while you witness both people suffering?
You have to be his brother to understand.
What is it like to see someone close to you,
Having already flown as high as they can get
Or so it seems?
Professionals say he can’t go any further,
But you pray to God he can.
You have to be his brother to understand.
What is it like to witness someone you love,
Hurt to the point of tears because he feels he can’t make it?
What is it like to feel so much pain your body, heart, and mind,
Can hardly take it because you see your own brother’s life in shambles?
What is it like to hear people call your brother stupid?
You have to be his brother to understand.
What is it like to be the privileged brother,
Yet you watch his life spiral downward,
All as teachers have given up on him,
Saying he won’t amount to anything in this world,
Because he has trouble reading?
You have to be his brother to understand.
What is it like to have many true friends,
But your brother has next to none,
So he feels alone, even though you share yours,
But he knows that, he knows they’re yours,
It kills you because it’s killing him?
You have to be his brother to understand.
What is it like to love your brother,
With such a sense of protecting him because of his delicacy,
That your friends call you wrong because, you get angered at the
Slightest thing anyone says about your brother, at the times when
People laugh at him, you want to punch people’s lights out?
You have to be his brother to understand.
What is it like to see him depressed as he’s cycling through meds,
And most psychiatrists can’t help him because
they refuse to push aside their pride,
and so you watch him suffer because of their idiotic mistakes,
and it makes you so sad to see this situation unfold before your eyes?
You have to be his brother to understand.
What is it like to have the desire to tell him he’ll be o.k.,
He’ll make it no matter what anyone tells him,
He’ll spread his wings and fly much higher than anyone ever anticipated,
He’s always loved and prayed for by many people,
Yet you can’t muster up the courage to tell him because you’re afraid he’ll reject this statement of love?
You have to be his brother to understand.
What is it like to feel anger, broken-heartedness, and love at the same time?
You have to be his brother to understand.
-----Author, David from California
Monica would like to have this poem seen by as many people as possible and requests that if you would like to repost or retweet this, that you simply include a link back to her post Oh Fer Cryin' Out Loud - Amazing Writing.You have to be his brother to understand.
What is it like to watch your brother constantly hurt your mom,
And feel no remorse,
Because he hardly understands what he’s doing at the time?
what is it like to have to sit there, and remain silent,
All while you witness both people suffering?
You have to be his brother to understand.
What is it like to see someone close to you,
Having already flown as high as they can get
Or so it seems?
Professionals say he can’t go any further,
But you pray to God he can.
You have to be his brother to understand.
What is it like to witness someone you love,
Hurt to the point of tears because he feels he can’t make it?
What is it like to feel so much pain your body, heart, and mind,
Can hardly take it because you see your own brother’s life in shambles?
What is it like to hear people call your brother stupid?
You have to be his brother to understand.
What is it like to be the privileged brother,
Yet you watch his life spiral downward,
All as teachers have given up on him,
Saying he won’t amount to anything in this world,
Because he has trouble reading?
You have to be his brother to understand.
What is it like to have many true friends,
But your brother has next to none,
So he feels alone, even though you share yours,
But he knows that, he knows they’re yours,
It kills you because it’s killing him?
You have to be his brother to understand.
What is it like to love your brother,
With such a sense of protecting him because of his delicacy,
That your friends call you wrong because, you get angered at the
Slightest thing anyone says about your brother, at the times when
People laugh at him, you want to punch people’s lights out?
You have to be his brother to understand.
What is it like to see him depressed as he’s cycling through meds,
And most psychiatrists can’t help him because
they refuse to push aside their pride,
and so you watch him suffer because of their idiotic mistakes,
and it makes you so sad to see this situation unfold before your eyes?
You have to be his brother to understand.
What is it like to have the desire to tell him he’ll be o.k.,
He’ll make it no matter what anyone tells him,
He’ll spread his wings and fly much higher than anyone ever anticipated,
He’s always loved and prayed for by many people,
Yet you can’t muster up the courage to tell him because you’re afraid he’ll reject this statement of love?
You have to be his brother to understand.
What is it like to feel anger, broken-heartedness, and love at the same time?
You have to be his brother to understand.
-----Author, David from California
Thanks to Chameleon, who posted a link in the Comments Section with a poem she wrote about her daughter. Chameleons Dream - Watching My Daughter Dance.
Lola's Diner
©2008-2009
5 comments:
It was a difficult decade the last (ten)years and my daughter I write about has 2 older sisters. The hell they watched my youngest go through was horrible, and they saw her traumatized by medication adverse reactions, and ultimately becoming severely disabled. It was especially hard on them as they entered college and she got "worse", end result is now, where their once exuberant, lively and very vocal sister went mute and is very fragile. The days of raging on medications that increased agitation to end up watching their sister become a shell of herself...well one of her sisters commented to me it was if she had died, and you know what? she's right. This stuff steals away lives, hopes and dreams.
It is so easy to overlook the caretker/family member when one person is dealing with an illness. And, in my experience, I have found a huge sense of guilt when I wanted someone to ask about ME not my family member.
It's hard on ME too. Yes, it absolutely sucks for the person who is experiencing the illness. But illness is far reaching and difficult for everyone concerned.
I've struggled with this one as well, watching my middle son tiptoe on eggshells when he knows that his sister is "fragile" and my youngest pick up his backpack and disappear to a friend's house "for a couple of days". I posted A Gift for Lola over at my Wordpress blog for you. No strings... just a thank you.
Lola - thank you so much for posting. Davey's family has endured so much of what so many of us goes through, and they truly wish for this poem to get out to those who could use a bit of "that's how I feel".
Thank you so much Lola.
Hugs to you and your wonderful family.
~Mon
Wow. It must be hard on your son, and I have to admit, I didn't think about how he had to cope. Good poem.
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