Rough time

Things have gotten worse in terms of my daughter’s behavior. It’s getting to the point that she causes big disruptions when she is on a home visit. That’s an understatement. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve tried everything I’ve done in the past that has worked, but she’s just not cooperating. Because of all the things going on with the nasty housemate I’m very hesitant to make her stay at the group home on the weekends. If this new person does move in I think the environment will change for the better. I’m praying that is the case. 

She’s just out of control and it makes me wonder how she holds it together at work. She’s constantly refusing, arguing, fighting, yelling at all of us at home. The yelling thing is a two way street, and I’ve talked to my spouse and my son about trying to shut it down rather than things turning into a yelling match, but it’s not working. I really try to maintain my composure and not give in to the cycle of arguing and yelling. I do this by letting my daughter know in advance what is expected of her and what she can expect in terms of her work transportation, activities, chores (minimal), and meals. There are no surprises. She was told Saturday night that snow was in the forecast and she needed to get up at 6:30am and shovel because of her work start time and travel time. She did not get up on time, was continually refusing to go out to shovel, and then was continually refusing to go to work. She was so loud she woke her brother who got up, dressed, and went out to shovel. (Good man!) She never went out to shovel. I lost it and went out and grabbed a shovel. (I have no business doing that, and I spent the rest of the day in bed with ice and on muscle relaxers. I literally pushed the shovel on the porch for less than 2 minutes, got in the car and sat in it while it warmed up.) My spouse and I thought my going outside and threatening to shovel (a bluff) would get her to turn it around and get out and shovel. Nope. On the way to work there were conversations of our expectations for after her shift. She was all agreeable and apologetic. What happened when she got home? More of the same. Before bed Sunday there were conversations of expectations for Monday morning. The same as Sunday. I’m sure the results will be the same, however, I will not even look at a shovel.

Between my health stuff, my spouses knee issues,  finances, things going on with my daughter I’m turning into a hot mess. I’m sleeping even less and my IBS is flaring up. I’m so tired of rehashing everything with my daughter and going over expectations in advance and just having it all go to hell. I keep reminding myself what I tell my kids and my spouse...

Tomorrow is a fresh start. 

An opportunity to get back on track.

I’m talking about my kids here. For them and their illnesses you can’t pile on blame, keep track of the bad behavior, and hold things against them. It’s a slippery slope. When you do that you are at risk of a breakdown. Especially when they are really having a hard time. Some of the time they know they forked up. Others, they are struggling so much they don’t know. They do have to know that tomorrow is a fresh start, a chance to get back on the right track. Or as my Dad used to say “straighten up and fly right”. I’ve been using his line a lot lately. 

You may be thinking, Lola, they are manipulating you and taking advantage of you. That’s not the case. I’ve dealt with her illnesses since 2007, and her brother’s since 2011. I’ve come to recognize the patterns. My daughter is not in a good pattern right now. I think she needs another medication adjustment.

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