Sunday Stealing-Family

Funny the World".Welcome to Sunday Stealing.This feature originated and published on WTIT: The Blog. Here we will steal all types of questions from every corner of the blogosphere. Our promise to you is that we will work hard to find the most interesting and intelligent questions. Cheers to all of us thieves!

 

 

Stolen from Print/Discuss 

1. How big is your immediate family? Who are the members? Four. Myself, my wife, and my 2 adult children.

2. Who are you closest to in your family? What kind of relationship do you have with that person? Is it like friendship? I would say all the members of my immediate family. That would be because I don’t speak to any members from my Mom’s side of the family and I have no idea where my Dad’s side of the family is. We used to see them infrequently when I was a kid, but after my Dad passed away and we sold the house we grew up in, no one had stayed in touch. 

3. Which day of the year are you most likely to spend with your family? Since my daughter got her apartment we have been doing Sunday dinners there. My son wants Game Night this Sunday too.

4. As a child, did you go on family trips? What do you remember about those vacations? I only went on 1 family trip with my family. My Dad took us to meet a 99 year old woman who I don’t know who she was to my Dad. I did go on vacation to Florida with 2 aunts, a cousin, my sister, and my step grandmother. While Disney World was fun, I felt terribly uncomfortable because my Mom gave us explicit instructions not to ask for any souvenirs, or expensive food. Of course those people who took us insisted on buying us souvenirs. My Mom was a very proud woman and really didn’t want us going on the trip because it wasn’t something she could afford to pay for. I have no idea how the trip came to happen, nor do I know if my Mom contributed money for the trip. It was fun since we’d never gone there, but it felt really uncomfortable the entire trip because we really didn’t know those people other than seeing then at holidays.

5. Is there a black sheep in your family? What is different about them? Probably me. Because I’m a lesbian, and because I moved from a suburb of Milwaukee to the North side of Chicago. To my extended family on my Mom’s side Chicago was gangsters, Al Capone, etc. When I was growing up no one really stuck out to me as a black sheep…unless you count the aunt who had a child out of wedlock. Back then it was scandalous.

6. Do you know your extended family? How many of them have you met? I did up until the family reunion in 2015 that was the month before my gay wedding (which none of them attended even though all were invited). On my Mom’s side I met most of her step family. Grandma, aunts, uncles, 1st cousins, and maybe just a few 2nd cousins.

7. Have you ever been to a family reunion? How was it? I went to Anastasia’s family reunion and helped plan it. At least her family was friendly. The reunion on my Mom’s side was very uncomfortable. I took my wife and both of my adult children. We were gawked at the entire time. It was another scene of ‘watch the lesbians out of their element at a family reunion as the rest of the relatives ignore them.’ (Imagine a man’s voice from “Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom”) We felt like caged animals at a zoo. Even my wife brought it up, so it wasn’t just me that felt it. Funny thing is, the only relatives who talked to my wife was the mother of the reunion planner who had dementia and only spoke Italian, and an aunt of mine who also had dementia. My wife only speaks and understands English.

8. Who are you most proud of among your relatives? Who do you look up to? I’m very proud of my daughter. She moved into a group home 7 years ago Monday, and moved into an apartment in an independent living community in July of this year. She lives alone, but they have community rooms with tv’s, pool tables, and a patio where everyone gets together. She know almost all the residents. A few of them keep to themselves. Her ex boyfriend lives there and has tried to get back with her, but she stands up for herself, says no, and has reported him to staff. All on her own. I found out after the fact. I looked up to my parents and miss them very much. The things my Mom did during hard times taught me what to do when I ran into hard times. I had more episodes than she did, but I learned from her how to get through them.

9 What characteristics have you inherited from your parents? Do you look like them? Do you behave like they do? Characteristics I inherited from my parents:  How to get through hard times, how to talk to anyone (my Mom always chatted up people at the store or bus stop. Never thought I’d ever do that, but I’ve been doing it for years now). How to be generous (I was never the Mom of the block, and never passed out treats and hugs to neighbor kids-not a safe thing in Chicago, but when my daughter lived in the group home I did all kinds of things…inexpensive Christmas gifts, I did a ball of gifts wrapped in cling wrap where you draw cards and pass it along unwrapping goodies until you lose your turn and pass it on, craft supplies, baking supplies, pizzas for parties.) I would say I look more like my Dad…facial features, so does my son. My Mom had olive skin, my sister and I were white as ghosts just like my Dad. 

10. Does your family have any heirlooms? Will you inherit anything that has been in the family a long time? My parents passed away in 1984 and 1990. I took whatever I wanted to keep (my sister had already taken things without my knowledge, so after my attorney told me to change the locks to stop her, I took what I wanted. I didn’t even get the jewelry my Mom left to me in her will). I did get some great things, more sentimental value, which my sister wouldn’t have wanted anyway.

11. What happens to old people in your family? Do they live with younger family members or move to a retirement home? How would you prefer to spend your old age? Both of my parents passed away when I was in my 20’s. My Mom died suddenly, my Dad had cancer and went in to hospice care until he wanted to come home and live his last days at home with us. I have 1 aunt who went to a very nice retirement home that had dementia care. I would like to think I could spend it in my home, however, since I have a 2 story house I may need to sell and move to a 1 story house.

12. If you are married, how well do you get along with your in-laws? I get along with those that count. My father-in-law (whose 2nd wife is not a nice person, so I avoid her). I get along well with my brother-in-law. My wife’s step sister, who lives less than 2 miles from us has nothing to do with us. She fancies herself better than family and most other people. Her friend card was full when I tried to make friends with her. She thinks she’s better than everyone else. If you watched any of her videos on Facebook you would agree. My wife’s younger sister is on the outs with the rest of the family and I don’t have contact with her fiancée, who was my BFF until she didn’t plan my birthday party one year where she promised to arrange the entire thing, which my wife relied upon, and we ended up at home, just my wife and me, no party. You don’t tell someone’s spouse that you will take care of everything for a birthday party and then not do anything. She also made plans with me and ghosted me a lot. She played the I’m gonna see what else I could do, pick the best thing and not even bother to let me know she was canceling. She would basically hang out with me when she had nothing better to do. That’s not respectful and I don’t deserve to be treated like that. 

13. What do people mean when they say, “you can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family”? You are born into your family, you don’t choose them. Friends come along and you mutually decide to be friends (unless your friend card is full. Bitter much? Yes, with reason. I’ve had 2 people actually use those words. One, my sister-in-law, the other a co-worker. It’s not like I expect to be joined at the hip, but hanging out once in awhile would be nice. It would also be respectful.) I don’t have any of my own friends. Out of all of my wife’s friends, there is an older couple that I am friends with. We had breakfast with them Friday and were invited for dinner and hanging out around the fire pit Saturday.

14. If you live far away from some members of your family, how do you keep in touch? How often do you communicate? 🤣🤣🤣 My sister still lives in Wisconsin. Apparently the road does not go from her house to mine, but it works fine my house to a restaurant near hers. I’ve never been in this house because…well…I think her husband is afraid of me. (I know he doesn’t like me because I showed up at their apartment about 30 years ago to get my sister because he wouldn’t let her leave. I stuck my foot in the door, pushed my way in, nearly knocking over his drunk ash and I got in his face. I ended up calling the police instead of getting my baseball bat out of my car. He seldom talks to me when I see him and he always leans back, like he’s afraid I’m gonna punch his face in. It’s really quite funny.) My sister sends me a message on Messenger once in awhile, but it’s not to chat, she’s either got information for me, or is checking up on a health concern of mine. She talks to my kids all the time, sometimes daily. I almost sent her a message after my doctor appointment Tuesday to tell her how it went and when I get the results of my 3rd round of blood work, but I stopped myself because if she doesn’t immediately hear from me after an appointment, she calls, texts, sends messages on Messenger, all multiple times. My wife has had to call her and tell her to stop it because twice I had surgery and I wasn’t even coherent and she was blowing up my phone. She is really obnoxious. My life is stressful enough without her pestering me. By the way, I feel completely justified in what I do because she didn’t even tell me last month that she was having surgery until 2 days before. No doubt because she didn’t want me pestering her. I don’t do that. If I don’t hear back in a reasonable amount of time, I attempt contact once.

15. Are you so close to any of your friends that you consider them to be like family? The only family I talk to on my side is my sister. I stopped speaking with my Mom’s side of the family after that offensive reunion, and none of them attended my wedding or reception. I’d say I’m pretty close to my wife’s side of the family (except for the nasty step mother-in-law, but my wife feels the same way about her).

(I guess I got kind of wordy because I haven’t participated in awhile.)

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