The meeting Tuesday went well. I can even say it’s the best meeting yet. Well, it should be, time and all. There’s always room for improvement, and just like any “review”, even if things were near perfect, they will turn the most infinitesimal thing, into a thing just so they can give you a demerit. (That’s always been my experience.) So what was it? When she asserts herself in situations with the sole housemate on her floor she doesn’t speak loud enough to be heard. I take issue with that for several reasons: 1) my daughter speaks in the same conversational tone as she does with anyone, 2) it’s not my daughter’s fault that her housemate claims to be hard of hearing, 3) if my daughter were to raise her voice, a verbal fight would ensue, and my daughter would not feel safe. So she got points for asserting herself, but...it’s bs.
So at the end of the meeting, even though I told my daughter NOT to do it, she asked what her chances were for getting into an apartment. So they brought up how my daughter doesn’t do all her chores, all the time. It’s mostly because she goes on home visits on the weekend because no staff will drive her to work, and on Fridays they pick her up over 3 hours late. No joke. The other reason is because her sole housemate doesn’t always do her chores, so...wait for it...”it’s not fair!” Life isn’t fair. She’s never going to do her chores all the time so don’t get yourself in trouble for not doing chores. And yes, if she doesn’t sweep the kitchen on her nights there will be more to sweep for you. Suck it up buttercup. Things won’t change until my daughter gets into an apartment and she can’t get into one if she doesn’t do HER chores.
So I’m talking until I’m blue in the face. This “fair” thing drives me bat crap crazy. Both my kids do it at my house. “It’s not fair.” If life were fair we’d all win the lottery.
I’m also trying to delay “The Apartment Meeting” so my daughter has an opportunity to turn things around. Tuesday night I stayed up late and wrote out “Apartment Success List” index cards, took photos of
them and sent them to her. Yes, I’m totally nuts! Who does that? A parent who wants their disabled young adult kid to succeed. So, yeah, that’s me.
One of the cards said “Make your bed right after you get up. Snap a photo and send it to me.” The first day was a fail. She forgot. I wanted the photo to make her accountable and see what her idea of a neatly made bed is. The next day I get a photo of her bed made, kind of sloppy, and it looked like she was in it! She’ll kill me, but you have to see it.
Doesn’t that look like a body in the bed? Black pants, white foot? Ok, not really foot, but at first glance! Where did she get that many pillows that she thought to stuff them under the comforter long ways?
We had a good laugh anyway. So after she gets back from work she will be learning how to make a bed neatly...even if you have 12 pillows. Lol! We will also go over the index cards.
It really isn’t fair if they say no to an apartment now. Now is the time. Make it now before her housemate sucks the soul out of her. The verbal abuse, slamming doors, in the face yelling, threatening, screaming at all hours, barging into my daughter’s room without knocking, almost causing falls on the steep staircase...that all disappears with an apartment. The ‘she’s not doing her chores, why should I do mine...it’s not fair’...that all disappears with an apartment too. And, our family, are willing to do everything we can to help make it a success for her. How many other clients can say that?
Maybe I was wrong to get her living room furniture (free and super cheap used. Salvation Army was good enough for my first apartment. I’m not an heiress here.) She knows about that stuff, and my old dining room set. I also got her a lot of kitchenware and home decor stuff that she doesn’t know about. I stopped looking for stuff. I look at the Black Friday ads and think, wow, that’s a deal, I should take her to get that. I feel like the more I do, I’ll jinx it. It’s stupid I know, but I’m weird like that about things sometimes.
TMI?
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