The Latest from Lola's Diner

Monday, December 11, 2017

When the safety of loved ones isn’t taken seriously

My daughter lives by n a group home. There is one client who does not belong on thr 2nd floor, the independent floor. Quite frankly I think she belongs in a different environment. This client has been transferred from ALL of the group homes in the area, my daughter’s house is the last one. The client is rumored to have been transferred from house to house because of her behavior.
What behavior you may ask? Screaming at other clients, throwing things at other clients, and now, yesterday screaming at the other members of my family and slamming a door at my wife while her hand was still on the doorknob when she was between the door and the screen door. My wife lost her balance momentarily, but could have been knocked to the ground. She also could have broken her wrist. 
The incident was immediately reported to staff on sight and my daughter was allowed to sleep on the sofa on the first floor for safety reasons.
Today we got a call back from a staff supervisor, 3 hours later than promised. Bottom line? What they promise to do will likely not happen AND is not going to be effective. They say through that client’s counselor and my daughter seeing her counselor they are going to work on mutual respect. (My daughter did nothing wrong, nor did my son, nor did my wife) They say they are going to work with the offending client to stop taking rules to the extreme, stop disrespecting other clients, and learn how to fly to the moon without a spaceship. That 3rd one I made up because it’s just as likely to happen as the other 2.
My daughter is tired of being terrorized by this client. She barely slept last night even though she slept on the 1st floor, had staff with her and the staff person locked AND chained the door.
As I’m sure I’ve mentioned before, my daughter ruminates on things, sometimes to the point of triggering a psychotic episode and requiring hospitalization.  After my daughter returns to her house after work I’m going to have to make reassurances that even I don’t believe in. I am also going to make a safety plan for her to refer to when the next incident happens. Because both my wife and I know this is not going to stop until that client is removed from the group home. 
I know life isn’t fair, I say it to my kids all the time about little frustrations, but this isn’t fair. My daughter is being made to feel as though this is her fault. My daughter stays away from this client, avoids her, and if the client speaks to her, my daughter responds to her just as she does anyone else, respectfully and politely. 
Everything ran so smoothly at her house before this client was transferred to my daughter’s house. I am so tired of all this.

Lola's Diner ©2008-2017

Sunday, December 10, 2017

Anniversary of a death

My parents passed away when I was in my twenties. Mom in 1984, Dad in 1990. Now I know their dates of death, but every year the anniversary of their deaths goes one of 3 ways.
     1.) On the day of their death I remember. That day unfolds in my mind from beginning to end. I recall the the smallest detail, then I begin to recall the immediate aftermath...the notification of family and friends, funeral parlor arrangements, the day of the funeral. It’s been a long 34 years since my Mom passed away. A lot has happened, marriages, births, a divorce, mental health issues, and medical issues. I’m embarrassed to say very few of the anniversary’s I recall on the actual anniversary date. 
     2.) A few days before the anniversary date I am in a profound...funk. I’m very depressed. I definitely feel a change in “the force”. Before long I remember and go through the entire process, just as in #1.
     3.) A few days after the anniversary date I will have the same telltale feelings. Just as with #2, I then remember and go through the entire process, just as in #1.
Today was #3 for the anniversary date of my Dad’s death. The anniversary is St Nicholas Day, December 6th. I have always celebrated St Nicholas Day with my children, hanging their stockings the night of the 5th before they go to bed. They are young adults now, but we still celebrate it as one of our holiday traditions. This year we postponed until tonight. They hung their stockings before going to bed Saturday night. It’s not the first time. The funk started the end of November, the realization hit me today. As soon as it came to me I said it out loud. My wife was a bit shocked and asked why I didn’t say anything sooner. It was because I had just realized it. I could feel the...weirdness in the air, but she didn’t say anything. She didn’t have to. She was surprised, shocked even, that I hadn’t recalled it the day of. My Dad passed away 28 years ago. Between both my parents that’s a lot of anniversarys. Her Mom passed, four or five years ago and she is still grieving like it was yesterday. (Oh, don’t open up that can of worms Lola, everyone grieves differently.)
My point is, don’t judge me because I don’t always remember the anniversary of their deaths on THE day. It’s been a lot of years and I’ve had a lot of life happen in between. Most would be surprised at all I have gone through, but that’s besides the point. Those anniversarys...I do not celebrate...I grieve them. Why else would I be so depressed and out of sorts approaching or after the dates? 
I’ve come to realize that #2 and #3 are my coping mechanisms, my process of grieving. It isn’t as if I am oblivious to the dates, I’ve NEVER not remembered.
If anyone out in the interwebs is reading, if you wouldn’t mind, explain how you handle/process the anniversary of a death.

Lola's Diner ©2008-2017

Friday, December 8, 2017

What the fork happened to Muk Luks?

Who remembers Muk Luks? Ok, who of my Wisconsin peeps remember them?  Doreen claims she never heard of them.  The photo below is the closest approximation I can find that looks like the ones I used to get as a kid at Christmas.  Now if you Google “Muk Luk” hundreds of weird abominations appear from slippers and boots that in no way resemble the knit sock sewn to what used to be real leather/suede soles, or rubber soles. Now they even have Muk Luk SANDALS!  What the fork?

Lola's Diner ©2008-2017

Thursday, December 7, 2017

It’s the most depressing time of the year...

I just can’t get in the holiday spirit.  As Christmas and finances go, this year is the worst.  I’ve purchased about 3 gifts. I have some gifts I planned to make (I already have the supplies) this year for my daughter’s housemates, but I’m continually drowning in paperwork, so I’m making no progress.

I discussed with my daughter my annual gift to her house.  I usually purchase close to $100 in baking supplies.  I’m not doing it this year.  She knows my reasons. It’s two-fold.  
     1.)  I don’t have the funds this year.
     2.)  I’m tired of the shenanigans that have happened in previous years.  I purchase enough supplies so the ladies can make Christmas cookies multiple times from Thanksgiving to Christmas AND to bake bread, cinnamon rolls, pizza crust in the months following the holidays.  The first year I also purchased 2 Air-bake Cookie Sheets (the largest size).  Over a year ago someone gave 1 of them to a housemate who was moving into an apartment. They were purchased for the ladies IN THE HOUSE.  Someone is now staking claim to the other one.  Every year in January a staff member removes all the baking supplies saying they don’t keep long.  Not true, Google any baking item, the shelf life is a year or more.  Some are good indefinitely.

Do I believe the staff had put the baking supplies I purchased in the trash?  I believe they take them home. It’s so wrong and I refuse to contribute to the staff’s personal home pantry.  Yes, the staff are poorly paid, but I think it’s unconscionable that staff are basically stealing from the ladies who live in the house.  To me, that is the lowest of the low.

As an alternative, my daughter, son and I will be baking Christmas cookies to share with some of the housemates.  (I think my wife is working.).  Not all you ask?  No, not when several are...well let’s just say, not behaving appropriately and not treating other housemates well.  I’m not rewarding bad behavior. 

So yes, the most depressing time of the year.  I got hurt at PT, so I am home until things improve enough to tolerate returning.  Why do physical therapists always push to hard?  This sux donkey!  

I’ve been watching the Christmas movies since Thanksgiving.  I’ve been watching them daily.  I thought that would get me in the mood, but it’s not.  I don’t know what the kid’s expectations are, I keep trying to prepare them.  My son wants a PS4 and my daughter wants a tablet (WITH WIFI).  I keep telling my son he has enough game systems and it’s not going to happen, but I know he’s not getting it.  With his illness he just doesn’t understand.  He hasn’t progressed as far as my daughter, but then her illness began over 10 years ago.  She understands.  Since she is working she, on her own, offered to buy gifts for us all.  She really is a sweetheart.  

No Christmas tree or decorations up yet.  I’m off that committee due to my back.  I’m thinking my son will step up Sunday and get started.

If you find my holiday spirit please forward directions as soon as possible.

Lola's Diner ©2008-2017

Wednesday, December 6, 2017


On  Friday on The View a Producer gave Joy Behar “breaking news”  ABC News’ Bryan Ross is reporting Michael Flynn promised full cooperation to the Mueller team and is prepared to testify that as a candidate Donald Trump directed him to make contact with the Russians!  You would have thought Joy Behar and the other co-hosts had won the lottery.  I don’t recall there ever being a more joyous celebration on that show. (Not really a fan, but not much to watch in the morning.)

It’s been how many days and what has happened?  Dem. Rep Al Green introduced Articles of Impeachment and forces a vote.  364 votes to table it, 58 voting to move ahead.  Not surprised. This is the second failed attempt to start the impeachment process.  It seems like no one wants to do anything, considering the upcoming elections. Don’t rock the boat, don’t let anyone know that you may want to move ahead.  At least not until the elections are over.

While I agree that there are things going on in the White House that need to be properly addressed, I don’t think anyone is a hurry to right the ship. 

Lola's Diner ©2008-2017

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Mrs. Kravitz, and now Mr. Kravitz

Mrs. Kravitz. If you are of a certain age, or a fan of old television shows you know the name as the nosey, busybody neighbor on “Bewitched “.  I have used that name in past blog posts to refer to the neighbor across the street to my childhood home. Anything there was to know about anyone on the block, she knew it.  If a kid did something wrong, she told the kid’s mother. 

When I was a kid she busted my friend and I for getting up at the crack of dawn, sneaking out of our houses to play ‘tennis’ over my friend’s driveway gate.  We both just got new rackets and she was leaving on vacation in a couple of hours and we just HAD to play.

Fast forward to this year. My sister heard that Mrs. Kravitz was the victim of a gift card scam.  Some con man called saying her nephew was in jail, etc, etc.  She lost $400,000.  Probably her life savings. She was on the local news.  Really made me think, is she still “with it” enough to live alone?  Her husband was in an Alzheimer’s Care nursing home.  A month or so later he was on an Honor Flight, honoring him for his military service. He passed away about a month later. 

I was reading FB today, daughter of the neighbor next to Mrs. Kravitz.  She bought her parents home, as did a lot of the kids from my neighborhood.  She said she was on MR. KRAVITZ’s radar and wasn’t happy.  Being confused, I messaged her for clarification.  She has now nicknamed my old next door neighbor Mr. Kravitz because he called the Health Department on her for some nonsense violation.  I mentioned how when I was a kid, every now and then Mr. Kravitz would be drunk and threaten my Dad.  Fisticuffs would ensue, my Mom would call the police, the fight would be broken up.  Unbeknownst to me, her father also had run-ins with Mr. Kravitz where he called her father to come out into the street and fight like a man.  (Ah, the good ol’ days when you had a beef with someone and you settled it with your fists, instead of guns.)

Found out an interesting tidbit in my FB messaging with my childhood home had been sold again and a lesbian couple now own it.  I found this out by way of her telling me how Mr. Kravitz and his son got drunk one day.  They stood in their driveway yelling over to my childhood home “Dykes!” over and over.  Doesn’t surprise me.

Lola's Diner ©2008-2017

Wednesday, October 25, 2017

Pity...Party of One

Not been having good days. PT has been brutal. Last week I bailed after the first day and called in on day 2. This week is MTW. The past 2 nights have been spent with my back and hip completely iced. If I could get in the bathtub I’d have it filled with ice and just chill. While the ice does help with the discomfort (trust me, I’m really downplaying here), my hands and feet are frozen. I can’t get them warm at all. It’s likely that the pain will lessen as I build up my core, loosen the scar tissue knots, and stretch the muscles that were affected by the pre-surgery sciatica. For now, it’s not fun.

Ok, we’ve established I’m not feeling well. That translates to being SUPER cranky and hyper sensitive. I really can’t wait until today is over so I can heal some and look forward to being abused next week. <sigh> I only have MW, because my daughter has an appointment with a specialist in Chicago, so I have no ride for PT. My wife has to drive her. It’s actually better because then she will get all the information firsthand, rather than what my daughter can remember. 

I’m trying to go political news free. Whether it’s real, or fake, I just can’t deal with it right now. I have just too much going on personally to hear about anything else. I haven’t watched TV news for a long time. I usually get my news from Google, Facebook, and The View. I really dislike The View. The new co-host is like nails on a chalkboard to me. I need some escapism. If you have a show or movie to suggest, please, post in the comments.

I’m thinking I may need to go Facebook Free for awhile. No one really interacts with me anyway, even when I do make an effort. (Pity Party...) People’s posts are either inappropriate or really irritating. 
1.) Someone from my neighborhood growing up has a senior dog that truly needs to cross the rainbow bridge. All the commenters have to know it, yet no one is willing to say it. The dog doesn’t eat, is incontinent, in pain, and is just skin and bones. Personally, I think it’s cruel to let that poor dog suffer just so the selfish owner can have her dog around. Don’t paint me as uncaring, I’ve been there. It’s not an easy decision, but one that has to come from a loving place and not a place of selfishness.  
2.) Someone had posted complaining about a service they use. Others replied with their experiences with ‘like’ providers. Any suggestions made were met with flippant rudeness. That was last week. This week more complaining. Rather than getting caught in this person’s string of rants I Googled and found an article on troubleshooting the service. I have the same service. I really haven’t learned, and I should know better than to reply at all in response to this person’s rant posts, but I try to be a nice person, to be helpful. The reply? ‘Don’t have time for that now, I’m too busy with important things, blah blah blahbity blah.’ Oh...YOU’RE WELCOME! This same person wants my help with something. Just the way they said things just made me feel so “less than”, know what I mean? ‘I can show you how to do this and if you’re any good at it you can get one done in a minute.’ WOW! Didn’t realize they felt I was so ignorant. I’m a freakin’ Staff Accountant, not Tommy. (Pinball Wizard, fictional, from The Who song, I didn’t want to offend any other profession, I’m polite like that.) 

Oh, one more, why not? A couple of months ago I posted on a neighborhood app that I wanted to start a friends group on Facebook. I had been an admin in the past for an LGBT group (now defunct), so I know how to set it up, etc. A group to get together for coffee, a meal, poker, game night, etc. I left it open to anyone. The response was quite good. About 20 people joined, and I have a few people not on Facebook that want to be notified of events. Some of the people even Facebook friended me. Others? Well, they just faded away. One was a niece of Anastasia’s. I recognized her face and the name right away. I knew when she figured out who I was she would ghost me, and I was correct. The obvious hater. This lady wanted to email back and forth to see if she wanted to be friends. Like I have to apply to be her friend? Whateves. I knew I wasn’t going to hear from her after I sent my introduction email. That’s fine. I don’t want any haters. So we’ve had 1 coffee meet-up which was attended by someone we already personally know. Then we had a lunch meet-up with a guy and 2 women. I could just feel them figuring it out, you know, the wife and wife thing. We didn’t mention it at the first, but then why should we have to? Straight marrieds don’t have to call themselves out in such a small group. Anyway... I set up the 2 meet-ups and have encouraged others to either post events, or if they don’t know how, to let me know and I will post. ...And...crickets. It would just be nice to have a few friends, a friend. Why does it have to be so difficult to make new friends as an adult? Any thoughts?

So yeah, big time pity party.

Lola's Diner ©2008-2017
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