The Latest from Lola's Diner

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

I'm Happy I'm Not Attending the Inauguration

I'm glad I didn't win a ticket to the Inauguration. The Daily Beast Blog post "Inaugural Hell Freezes Over" by Laura Winik has scared me off. The thought of having a minimum of 10,000 people per portable toilet pretty much did it for me. (Can you imagine that many people sharing a portable toilet? Ewww!) I have a bladder the size of an eye dropper. I take a water pill for high blood pressure and where ever I go, I go and I have to know where the bathrooms are wherever I am.

Sure I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to be among the elite, the mucky mucks to attend the inauguration. Oh the stories I could tell. The anectdotes. Maybe a few brushes with celebrity. The political celebrities for sure, because as the guest of the Mayor I'm sure I would have the opportunity to meet some of Illinois' leaders. Heck, I could even meet Mr. Big Hair himself (if you haven't been reading lately, I mean Rod Blagojevich) and I wouldn't even need to drop $10,000 to do it! I could possibly meet some real celebrities! I hear that Ellen is attending, (I would LOVE to meet her, I wonder if Portia is attending?) Melissa, Brad, even Leonardo is said to be trying to get a ticket. See, I'm on a first name basis with them already!

Oh Hells Bells! (And not the AC/DC Hells Bells.) What am I talking about? I would be pleased as punch just to have a mini vacation! (Pleased as punch? Heck, I'd be over the moon!)

The Mayor of our community graciously set up a lottery for the extra inauguration ticket he wasn't using. There were 2 catches, you had to be a resident of our community and you had to have voted in the Presidential Election. I qualified! I figured the odds couldn't be that astronomical. I mean consider the population of our community, deduct out people under 18, deduct out people who didn't vote and deduct out people who could not get off work or who were afraid to take off work and deduct out people who didn't even know about the lottery. I figured the odds were pretty favorable, considering the odds in the Mega Millions Lottery or the Illinois State Lottery games. I didn't think it was a slam dunk, but I thought what the heck? Turns out I was 1 of only 60 residents who entered the lottery. Pretty darn good odds, but alas, not good enough. Still, I'm happy for the single Mom who won.

I'm glad I didn't win. Depends are kind of expensive, not to mention gross. "TV news crews being dispatched out “in the field” to cover the Mall and other key gathering points are being told to pack for survival conditions, which includes likely toting along a five-gallon jug to use for bodily functions." That's totally gross! What will they be doing with these no longer empty five-gallon jugs? I'm sure because security has closed off all the bathrooms at the Metro station due to them being possible targets for bombs, they will also likely take away all trash receptacles for the same reason. Do you think the news crews are going to carry those no longer empty containers?

I really feel badly for all the people who work in the area where the city is being shutdown and who must go to work. I can't imagine having to sleep at the office, although once I considered it when a co-worker fudged up the computer system and I was at the office until 2:30am.

Can you imagine how these office workers will have to adapt that have to sleep at their office?
They will have to provide for their own food and beverages, don't you think? I mean, how likely is it that they'll be able to order in chinese food or order pizzas for delivery?
They will all have to share bathroom facilities 24 hours a day. That means someone who is shall we say, "bathroom shy" will have to deal with it or burst. (I think you know what I'm talking about.)
They'll have to pack personal hygiene items and at the very least a change of clothing for any of the inauguration balls they plan on attending.
No showering. Ewww! (Can you say whore bath?)
I hope no one is allergic to deodorant, cologne or perfume, because everyone is going to be compensating for the lack of showers.
And what about those office mates that don't get along? That many hours cooped up at the office with someone you can't stand, that's a recipe for disaster.
How about those office mates that get along too well? Ewww. Nuff said.
Between the bathroom issues and the sheer numbers of people they are talking about attending, I'm becoming agoraphobic just thinking about it!

If you are attending the inauguration, or any of the inauguration festivies, please let me know, write about it in your blog and I'll link to you in a future post after the inauguration.

Lola's Diner


Preston said...

It's going to be pandemonium especially with roadways and all the bridges closed. It's not worth it. I didn't even try to win. I'll be happy to see it on the TV.

Anne said...

I have to admit, I would have liked to go, even with the conditions. It would be worth a couple of Depends to be there. I entered a couple of lotteries for tickets, but sadly, I won nothing.

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