The Latest from Lola's Diner

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Waffling...

My 30 year high school reunion is coming up the end of September. I've sent in the money for the tickets and made my hotel reservations.

The devil on my left shoulder is telling me:
1. Go, have fun, when is the last time you even got out of town? (4th of July - Indiana, packed like sardines in Anastasia's car.) Your car is fixed, you can now ride comfortably.

2. When was the last time you went to Wisconsin? (over 5 years ago.)

3. The planners have warned this is going to be the last 'organized reunion', what are you? An idiot? Go!

4. Hey, you 'outed' yourself on the Reunion Reservation and Questionaire, you're going to be the center of attention, when has that ever happened? Enjoy it! These are all the people you grew up with, F' em if they can't take a joke. Or F' em and the horse they rode in on. (Weren't those the coolest sayings back in the day?) Hello! It's in Wisconsin, the chances that you'll see even one of them ever again, is slim to none, especially if this is the last reunion.

The angel on my right shoulder is telling me:
1. Be responsible. You can't afford this right now.

2. You really didn't have any friends in high school (your former bff, swore off reunions years ago and another friend did some pretty uncool things before they became ex-friends.)

3. You "outed" yourself on the Reunion Reservation and Questionaire. That will make you and Anastasia the center of attention. (Yes, I am out and proud everywhere, but I am, I think...understandably nervous. These are all the people I grew up with. It is WISCONSIN! (The same Wisconsin that thinks that Chicago is dangerous because of Al Capone.) I have already instant messaged 1 classmate and "outed" myself and it was as if I said nothing out of the ordinary, but that's 1 person out of a possible several hundred people that could be attending.) And it's not just this pressure of 'outing' myself to the whole class of '79, I've let family (Aunts) that I haven't seen in ages know that I'm coming and will be visiting. They don't know.

4. Do you really need for the boys from your 'hood to tell Anastasia the 'snake belt' story? You know they will...they almost wet themselves laughing every time they tell that story. It's probably the only thing they remember about you.

These things go through my head daily. I waffle back and forth...daily. I keep psychoanalyzing myself...why do I have this urge to attend, when really isn't it all just a huge exercise in people watching? Watching the people I grew up with and seeing what they've become? Did the freaks amount to anything? Did the jocks and cheerleaders and popular kids get knocked down a few pegs in their adult life? What happened to the geeks? Is it that I'm looking for some kind of closure...what is it? Will I feel like I missed an important milestone if I don't attend? I was a wallflower that dissolved into the scenery, why do I need to be the center of attention? What if I'm not the center of attention, will I be disappointed?

Duh-oh! What to do?

Lola's Diner
©2008-2009

10 comments:

Helene said...

I didn't go to mine (30th) 2 years ago. I did however check the pictures at Classmates. The cute guys were old and flabby and balding. My high school years consisted of struggling, being teased and an outside adventure no kid should have to ever go through. I did connect with one of the former cool kids who had just been in the local paper for having been attacked by her soon to be ex when he came to drop off the kids. She was ashamed of her life and I told her never to be. We all have a past. People just never turn out the way you think they were 30 years ago.
Go and have fun. It's not high school anymore :-)
2 years ago also the best person from my university died after a long illness. She inspired me to finish this and was always checking on my progress but did that for everyone. It wasn't until she died that I found out her partner for 16 years was my academic counselor (or that they even had a partner). A bit of a surprise. And I had never been to a wake/funeral that was so much fun I never wanted it to end. :-) Nuts, I know. Would I have thought differently had I known two years earlier? Not a chance. In 3 weeks I will have my bachelor's degree. In 2 more years (hopefully) when I have my Master's I will be carrying her in my heart when I walk across that stage. I told her partner that the only thing I was looking forward to when I got my diploma was to say, Hey, Barb, look! I did it! Two years of school and that was what I was waiting for.
If Barb has taught me anything its just be yourself and the rest will fall into place.
What we build up in our minds is way worse than what actually happens. Trust me on that one :-)

StaceyC4 said...

Okay, I went to my 10th, skipped my 20th. The 10th absolutely sucked. I realized that there weren't that many people that I really wanted to see there and those that I did want to see, didn't go. I caught all of the pictures from the 20th and while it looked fun, it was the same people (maybe less) from the 10th. It looked fun and I guess it would have been cool to go but the reality was that it wasn't in my finances to do it - I still complain about what I spent on the 10th. Now, most of my reunions take place on Facebook and when I want to see someone, we arrange it.

Buggys said...

Go have fun, relive bits of your childhood...only the good bits. Do not overthink this whole thing. All that will do is give you a headache and prevent some possible fun in your life. If your aren't having fun then you have the power to walk out the door.

Lin said...

Oh, GO! You are going to have a ton of fun! Or not--but then you can crack up about it later on the way home! You deserve a little vacation after all that you have been through--I'm driving you myself if you don't go!

And you are NOT going to be the center of attention. We had a girl show up with her girlfriend at our reunion and nobody blinked an eye. In fact, we were all proud of her that she did show up being herself, unlike half of the other idiot girls from high school. Everyone there is so darned concerned with their own issues, that they don't really pay much attention to anyone else.

The only ones who stand out are the cute chicky who ended up fat and ugly. Or the football star who is fat and balding. The nice kids are still nice and a lot more fun to hang out with.

Oh, what I wouldn't give to go with you!! There had better be a wicked blog post after this one!! I can't wait.

Jen said...

I haven't been to one of my reunions and my 25th is in a couple of weeks. I don't plan on going but that's because I was kicked out of that school. Which is why I don't go, I simply don't get invited since I didn't graduate from the school. I get invited to the one I graduated from but I was only there for the last year and didn't know more than 6 people when I was there. I keep in touch with them all so I don't need to go to a reunion.

Go and have fun. Don't worry what others are going to think. It didn't matter then, though it certainly seemed like it did, and it doesn't matter now.

If nothing else you should have tons of stuff to blog about.

You must post about the snake belt incident.

Suzy said...

DO NOT GO. I went to my 20th and was horrified. HORRIFIED.

Katherine a.k.a. Katie said...

My 30th was last month. I didn't go. Truth is most of the people I was close friends with have pretty much kept in touch with me over the years ( or weren't attending) throughout my travels. Besides $125.00 for rubber chicken is crazy! I did have a nice get together (a 6 hour wine and cheese brunch) with some of the people I went to school with and that was great. Even after 30 years we fell into conversation as if it had only been a few days. I hope you enjoy it and make some great memories. Be sure and blog about it!

Auntie E said...

Wow, what a dilemma. I would not go, but I am not you and my thinking is that is my past and I am not that person. The last one I went to, there was so much going on and my sister in law left her husband for a high school sweetheart! there was a lot of cheating gone on.... good luck with your decision.

I am Harriet said...

Who needs reunions when you have Facebook?

BTW- I'm thinking you probably won't be the only 'outed' individual there. No matter what the 'outing' may be.

Staci said...

I didn't go to my tenth, and I'm not even sure if we had a fifteenth. High school wasn't exactly fun for me. I guess one day if I consider myself successful enough, I might go to one, but right now I kind of feel like I'd still be that girl that everyone made fun of. (Ooh, look at her. No job. No husband. No kids. Still a loser.)

However, at the same time, I think I need to go one day just to have closure, stand up to the people I never could stand up to before. Of course, they'll probably end up being like, "Who are you?" or misremember history like we were friends. I've already had that happen with a few former classmates that I've seen in passing.

Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you think you need closure, go, or if you just want to go and let people know that you're happy and what happened in high school no longer defines you, then go, too. However, if you think it will just put you in a bad mood or cause other problems down the road, don't go. Instead, go out with Anastasia on the night of the reunion and enjoy your life the way it is. After all, it's only high school.

 
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