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Thursday, November 1, 2018

Call Cher! I can turn back time.

Every time I get in the car with my son it’s like getting into the wayback machine. Yes, we go all Peabody & Sherman every time.

Mostly we go back to the special school he attended. Sometimes it’s hard to tell what’s a memory and what is a confused thought/tall tale. When it’s a memory I sometimes learn new things about his van rides to and from school, or something that happened in school. 

One of the other places we go is his home school and he talks about his “friends” that mostly abandoned him when he became ill. He talks about things that happened in school, school dances he went to. He was the classic Mr Charming, he never had a date, but never was alone on the dance floor. Girls whose dates wouldn’t dance with them flocked to him. He talks about when he hung out with friends and when he went to parties. He talks about things that happened as if they were in the now.

The tall tales he tells (things that aren’t true) are really confused thoughts. He believes what he says wholeheartedly. I never argue with him, but I’ll ask questions and call him out depending on what the story is. I do it in a jovial way. I never argue with him, I usually change the subject. 

Sometimes I wish he would go back before his illness to the good times, but the bad times outweigh them. The bad times being his dad’s episodes with his illness, some of which were really scary, his dad’s manipulation, and his sister’s episodes with her illness which were so, so many and which began 11 years ago last week.

If my son isn’t taking us back, I will take us back with stories of the good times. Recently my daughter took us back to a good time. This is something she had never done before. It really felt great to hear. It brought  tears to my eyes. It was a glimpse into what was. It shocked me because since her illness began she only talked about things after her illness was better controlled. 

My daughter needs a ride and my son will go with me. As I get ready I’m going to go back and find a good time to go back to with them.

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