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Sunday, June 23, 2019

Swipe Left or swipe right for friendship

For friendship...not dating. There are 2 apps/websites I have come across that are like the Tinder of making friends. I’ve gone on them from time to time but for whatever reason, any contact I make coincidentally stops after I send a message introducing myself. Which is odd because my profile photo is of my spouse and myself. But whateves. Haters gonna hate and I don’t want to meet anyone like that.

So the first one I tried was the website and this year the app Hey! VINA-Meet New Friends. Both are the same concept, not interested, swipe left or X, interested, swipe right or ☑️. Both also “suggest” a subscription so you can use a more precise search and more access. I have NOT done a subscription for either. (GS) has icons that you select to indicate your interests. Hey Vina (HV) also does, but also had Interest Groups that let you join and let swipe people with similar interests, like cat lovers, foodies, LBGTQI, etc.

The think that creeps me out is that many, many photos are probably the same ones these women use on Tinder. They are all dolled up, provocative clothing and poses. This website and app are for women to find likeminded friends. Women to meet up for coffee, wine, go shopping, go to a paint and wine class, etc. The other thing that creeps me out are the women who use that app to add cat ears or pig noses, or whatever. How about a nice selfie that doesn’t make you look like the whore of Babylon or someone with an animal fetish? Ok, that’s harsh. But honestly, I’ve seen more cleavage on these 2 girlfriend finders than I ever did on, Plenty of Fish, and whatever other dating sites I used when I was single.

The thing about these 2 girlfriend finders is that they aren’t well known, so not a lot of women use them. Or maybe a lot more women already have friends. I was going through GS and found only 1 woman in my city. She’s 29 and her occupation is “Embalmer”. And her photo was an ominous way after you find out her occupation.

I hadn’t been on either for awhile. I logged into HV and found a message from a woman who actually messaged me on GS last year. She stopped contact after my introduction email, so I found her message in my HV inbox odd. Anyway, I then went through the GS matches and checkmarked a bunch (GS uses X or ☑️) instead of swipe left to ditch, right to show interest. Within 10 minutes I got 1 mutual match and 1 friend request. 

It really is impossible to find friends in The Land of Ladies Who Lunch, with their Michael Kors, Dooney and Bourke, and whatever designer handbags are “in”. (Was I even close? I mean, I know Coach really isn’t “in” anymore, is it? I think I know this because I have a Coach bag. I bought it when I moved to Chicago.) I think that’s what I’ll call where I live, The Land of Ladies Who Lunch, for blogging purposes. Earlier this week I picked up a free chandelier from FB Marketplace about 5 miles from my house,in the  McMansion section. The owner Facebook friended me. I thought, what the heck, see how the Ladies Who Lunch Live. It’s been interesting looking at her feed. That’s about it, no messages since I picked up the chandelier. No big deal.

It’s really no secret that I only have screen friends, and even then it’s more acquaintances. 

I had a bunch of in person “live” friends prior to ending a relationship before I met my spouse. Out of all the people in the group only one went to Lola’s side. You know that phenomenon when a couple in a relationship of whatever sort split up, the mutual friends get split amongst them? It’s inevitable, no matter how pleasant the couple’s split is. I got 1 friend out of 60 +/-. And that friend I found out was playing both sides of the fence. This is the friend who made plans with me and then when she found a better option never bothered to tell me she was canceling. This happened a lot. This is the same friend who has resurfaced that I wrote about a few posts ago. My future sister in law.

I am horrible at trying to make new friends. I feel I am a good friend, I don’t ghost people who I’ve made plans with. I’m honest, accepting, low maintenance, non-judgemental, loyal, respectful, trustworthy. I’m a regular Cub Scout. I went through a lot of years with no friends. When I was starting my freshman year of hs and my bff since forever was in her sophomore year she actually told me that we couldn’t be friends anymore. She said it wasn’t cool for a sophomore to be friends with a freshman. Both our Mom’s, bless their hearts, tried to fix the situation, but it wasn’t to be fixed. My bff made up her mind, no freshman friends, period.

I’ve run into quite a few women whose friend cards were full. I’ve even had one say it to me. She was a co-worker. I don’t get that. I guess that’s a not very polite way of saying “I would never be friends with the likes of you.” Fine, I find the feeling mutual.

I’m finding myself becoming more interested in the AARP magazine and emails I get. I’ve pre-registered for several “Coffee Talks” in a nearby city but something always comes up and I can’t attend. I’ve even renewed my library card and uploaded all the Over 55 Coffee Meet-ups to my iPhone calendar. Again, something always comes up. My doctor appointments get changed, my daughter suddenly has one and no ride. It’s always something. One of these days I will go. 

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