Have you ever...
1. Broken a bone? No, I have not.
2. Broken a window? Almost said no, but then I have this nice scar on my left wrist to remind me. When I was about 7 years old I ran my Dad’s leftover lunch into our house, put it in the fridge and ran to the front door. I missed the screen door handle and my hand smashed through the glass. My Dad flew to the back door, ran in the house and got clean towels from the linen closet. My Mom? She just walked through the broken glass, cuz that’s what Moms do. She put pressure on my wrist and kept talking to me cuz I was close to fainting. Instead, I slid down the wall I had been standing against and sat down. My Dad helped my Mom wrap my arm, picked me up and ran me to the station wagon while my Mom, walked through the broken glass again, cuz that’s what Moms do, locked the front door, and ran to the neighbor’s house to ask them to watch my sister, then ran to the station wagon, got in, and held the towels on my wrist and applied pressure. My Dad drove like an Indy driver to the hospital. I was some sight when we got to the ER. I was wearing a matching sailor shirt and shorts (think 1960’s), soaked in blood. I got a lot of stitches and my Dad had an excuse for a diy project. He removed the standard screen door and installed a Jalousie Door at both the front and back door.
I say ‘cuz that’s what Moms do’, cuz they get er done. Mom needs to apply pressure to the wound, walk through broken glass and do it. Mom needs to go to the neighbor’s to have them watch her other daughter while we go to the ER, and Mom needs to get in the car and apply pressure to that wound. So the fastest way to do that is...walk through broken glass. Because any good Mom would walk through broken glass for their children. Not that my Dad wouldn’t. It was faster for him to run to the back door. Seriously! Cuz he handed those clean towels to my Mom before my behind even touched the floor. I don’t think I knew my Dad could run that fast, and I never saw him do it again.
3. Been on TV? Not that I know of. I’m sure I could have been in a crowd shot at a Brewers or Cubs game.
I did attend a taping of The Oprah Winfrey Show. Paul Riser (“Mad About You” tv show and book) was the guest. My exhb got us on the show and we got the full treatment. Limo ride to/from the studios, Kraft Services continental breakfast. We came close to being on air. A producer called us to a microphone in the audience. She coached us on what story to tell and where to look for queues when to talk and when to stop. I was 8 months pregnant with my son. I was definitely not thrilled at the prospect of being on tv. Thankfully we got bumped by a senior couple who were married for 60 years. It was fun, but until that producer told us ‘it’s a no go’ and waved us back to our seats I was freaking out.
20. Worst TV show? I rarely watch tv “live”. I record, but mostly watch the shows I like by streaming them. I just thought of one. Brooklyn Nine Nine. (Is there another Nine? Seems like it could go on and on.) I just don’t feel the lead deserved the show when there were clearly other SNL cast members who were more experienced, and more deserving.
4. Had a friend who shared the same birthday as you? No! I had a co-worker who was a nasty ***ch. She changed procedures without consulting me, or my supervisor. I had worked there longer and actually set up the procedures (at my bosses instruction, which he approved long before she worked there.) She often mentioned the birth date we shared, and she was constantly talking about inappropriate things. What she said and did amounted to sexual harassment. She knew I was a partnered lesbian at the time and she constantly talked about hetero sex, and acted out... No need for you to see the graphic picture I had to see. Sure I reported her to HR. Nothing happened. After that, every time she went to her desk (which was in front of mine) she smirked at me. Of course doing it out of our bosses or anyone else’s sight.
5. Locked your keys in the car? Yes. I even did it with the engine on. Back in high school/college I became a pro with a coat hanger. Back then that worked. I had old cars, I had to start and let them idle in the frigid WI weather. Fast forward to the ‘90’s and I was warming up my Explorer and went to clear the windows of snow. Yup, locked it. I had no money for a locksmith. I had to break a window. Pro tip...never break a wing window, it’s the most expensive. I can’t lock my keys in my Buick because when I accidentally attempted it, the door wouldn’t lock and the alarm started going off. I had the engine running. Of course! And my son was in the car.
6. Accidentally sent a text or email to the wrong person? Quite a few times. Each time I was able to play it off and not get in trouble. This was before I met my wife.
7. Sat in the back of a police car? Yes. Car accident in WI where my car wasn’t driveable. I had to go in the squad to the station to call someone to get me. (No cell phones back then.)
8. Fallen asleep at work? Yes, due to medication I was on, I would nod off for a few moments and startle myself awake. Fun times, not!
9. Made a snow angel? A few times.
10. Ridden in an ambulance? Yes. About 20 times to accompany my daughter for hospital transfers due to needing a pediatric bed in a psych ward for her mental illness. Once with my son. I also had an ambulance trip to the ER after a car accident.
What's the...
11. Worst household chore? Today I would say cleaning the stove, cuz I wanted to surprise my wife. I don’t usually do any chores, but I thought I could start this because I could sit or lay down while the oven cleaner worked. I didn’t get far because the oven cleaner wasn’t spraying properly, spritzed on my arm and actually made 2 holes in my skin! I think I used about 6 alcohol wipes that I pressed into the wounds and wiped every which way to make sure the oven cleaner was completely gone. Then the oven cleaner stopped spraying entirely, even though it was full. But I’m gonna pass on that and say doing laundry at the laundromat. I HATE it! First off, I’m not allowed to go in the basement (back problems) so other family members always handled the laundry at home. For the laundromat trips, I drive, supervise my son, I put in the soap and coins. LOTS of coins. My son does all the moving and lifting.
12 .Worst color? Vomit? It’s not an official Crayola Crayons color, but when I say vomit, you know what the color is!
13. Worst pizza topping? Bad mozzarella cheese. By that I mean, that cheap stuff that’s not 100% actual cheese. It looks like plastic.
14. Worst weather? That’s a tough one right now. Now I would say low teens/zero° weather cuz our furnace hasn’t been fixed/replaced yet. We use oil filled space heaters, as a result we have a new household record for our electric bill. $467.10, for ONE month! If we didn’t have this situation, I would probably say really hot weather. It’s just so uncomfortable. The sweating, the overheating, the wishing to jump in a cool pool. Lol! (We don’t know anyone with a pool.)
15. Worst self-care job (e.g. dressing, washing, shaving, teeth, toe nails)? I don’t want to be gross, so imma skip over that one and say putting on a bra/shirt/hoodie/jacket because I have a rotator cuff tear in my right shoulder that has been extremely painful for months and my back pain which make dressing a challenge. We called this week for Orthopaedic dr appointments, I can’t get in until June.
16. Worst game? Clue. Mostly because I find it boring, and certain members of my family are cheats at this game.
17. Worst school subject? Gym. I actually failed one quarter in my sophomore year. The next quarter I had 2 gym periods per day on gym days and yes, one in the morning, one in the afternoon. That quarter I felt like all I did was change my clothes.
18. Worst animal? Mice/rats. I hate late fall when they try to get in the house. My male cat is really good at getting them and dropping them at my wife’s feet, but he’s learned circus tricks. He catches a mouse, beats him up (so much more pleasant to visualize), then flings them in the air, bats at them with a paw, chases after it, catches it, rinse and repeat. It’s absolutely hilarious to hear my wife tell it, but I have to stifle the laughs because she doesn’t find it as funny as I do (since I’m usually upstairs when those shenanigans are going on.)
19. Worst season? Winter. I don’t mind driving in the snow, it’s the other drivers who feel that because they have a monster 4WD SUV they can exceed the speed limit and cut in and out while most of the rest of us are going 20 mph and trying soooo hard to be safe.
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