Calgon...take me away...

It’s been an awfully long home visit. In fact it seems much longer than that Super Bowl game. I think we had 1 day of abnormal. Meaning everyone got along. Very uncharacteristic of what’s been going on lately. It didn’t last. It was much appreciated, but, sadly didn't last. Going to think on it and see where we went right.

Super Bowl eats were good. Ended up just having apps.

Watching “Russian Dolls” on Netflix. I’m on the last episode of Season 1. I’m going to need to rewatch it. Too many interruptions. Just finished watching “Groundhog Day” before I started binge watching it yesterday. Weird, but interesting. Natasha Lyonne is very good in the lead. Amy Poeler is one of the writers.

https://www.netflix.com/title/80211627

Weird, very loud noise. Explosion-like about half an hour ago. According to the local Facebook pages it’s been heard all over here, edge of Joliet and Mokena and downtown Tinley Park. Really loud. I told my spouse maybe it’s the mothership come to take us home. Ha! 

Long, ugly, exhausting week ahead. All doctor appointments and tests. Please pray I get through them with the outcomes I choose.

Back to the show...

UPDATE:  Where was my brain when I scheduled today’s appointment? Got all the way there and...it’s for March 5th. I have never in my life done that.

Lola’s Diner cc 2008-2019

Rough time

Things have gotten worse in terms of my daughter’s behavior. It’s getting to the point that she causes big disruptions when she is on a home visit. That’s an understatement. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve tried everything I’ve done in the past that has worked, but she’s just not cooperating. Because of all the things going on with the nasty housemate I’m very hesitant to make her stay at the group home on the weekends. If this new person does move in I think the environment will change for the better. I’m praying that is the case. 

She’s just out of control and it makes me wonder how she holds it together at work. She’s constantly refusing, arguing, fighting, yelling at all of us at home. The yelling thing is a two way street, and I’ve talked to my spouse and my son about trying to shut it down rather than things turning into a yelling match, but it’s not working. I really try to maintain my composure and not give in to the cycle of arguing and yelling. I do this by letting my daughter know in advance what is expected of her and what she can expect in terms of her work transportation, activities, chores (minimal), and meals. There are no surprises. She was told Saturday night that snow was in the forecast and she needed to get up at 6:30am and shovel because of her work start time and travel time. She did not get up on time, was continually refusing to go out to shovel, and then was continually refusing to go to work. She was so loud she woke her brother who got up, dressed, and went out to shovel. (Good man!) She never went out to shovel. I lost it and went out and grabbed a shovel. (I have no business doing that, and I spent the rest of the day in bed with ice and on muscle relaxers. I literally pushed the shovel on the porch for less than 2 minutes, got in the car and sat in it while it warmed up.) My spouse and I thought my going outside and threatening to shovel (a bluff) would get her to turn it around and get out and shovel. Nope. On the way to work there were conversations of our expectations for after her shift. She was all agreeable and apologetic. What happened when she got home? More of the same. Before bed Sunday there were conversations of expectations for Monday morning. The same as Sunday. I’m sure the results will be the same, however, I will not even look at a shovel.

Between my health stuff, my spouses knee issues,  finances, things going on with my daughter I’m turning into a hot mess. I’m sleeping even less and my IBS is flaring up. I’m so tired of rehashing everything with my daughter and going over expectations in advance and just having it all go to hell. I keep reminding myself what I tell my kids and my spouse...

Tomorrow is a fresh start. 

An opportunity to get back on track.

I’m talking about my kids here. For them and their illnesses you can’t pile on blame, keep track of the bad behavior, and hold things against them. It’s a slippery slope. When you do that you are at risk of a breakdown. Especially when they are really having a hard time. Some of the time they know they forked up. Others, they are struggling so much they don’t know. They do have to know that tomorrow is a fresh start, a chance to get back on the right track. Or as my Dad used to say “straighten up and fly right”. I’ve been using his line a lot lately. 

You may be thinking, Lola, they are manipulating you and taking advantage of you. That’s not the case. I’ve dealt with her illnesses since 2007, and her brother’s since 2011. I’ve come to recognize the patterns. My daughter is not in a good pattern right now. I think she needs another medication adjustment.

Lola’s Diner cc 2008-2019

Money talks

My daughter may be getting a new housemate on the 2nd floor. Hopefully this will deflect the nasty housemate’s attention away from my daughter.

They had the meeting with my daughter, the nasty housemate and their counselors. It was a joke. The chore schedule was rearranged. Which basically means the nasty housemate won’t do those new chores. And the nasty housemate was told when it’s her night to cook she has to cook my daughter’s meal and it has to be compliant with her special diet. My daughter cooks for her all the time, sometimes making 2 different meals, so why can’t she? 

Sooo, I found out why there are never consequences for the nasty housemate and why she is never written up. It all boils down to $$$$$. This is the last place she can go to before having to be institutionalized. She has been to every group home in the area and been kicked out for abusive and violent behavior. It’s unfortunate that institutionalization is the only option left for her, but let’s remember that there are 6 or 7 other women in the group home whose safety and welfare have to be taken into consideration.

And the money is...$20,000 per MONTH that the group home gets from the state for housing the nasty housemate. That is in addition to the money they get from Social Security for the nasty housemate. The group home gets much, much, much less per housemate for the rest of the ladies because their conditions and behavior are not anywhere near as severe. Some of that money is supposed to be spent on overnight staff for the second floor to insure the safety of everyone. Overnight staff on the 2nd floor is extremely rare, and the times there have been staff they were untrained and were found to be sleeping on shift which is not permitted.

Lola’s Diner cc 2008-2019

How long do you wait...

To replace a lost item, replace it, then the original turns up in the strangest place?

Without getting all mathematical, the answer is as follows:

The item is lost 2 years. It originally cost $30.00.

The new item was purchased 10 days ago. EXACTLY 10 days ago for $7.00.

The original item turned up today in a plastic shoe keeper under important documents.

What is the item?

An FM Transmitter that plugs into you cigarette lighter so you can play music from your phone via Bluetooth over your vehicle’s car stereo.

It’s replacement cost $7 on clearance at Walmart. Not the same brand, not as fancy, but works just as well. 

It’s been driving me bat crap crazy being stuck in traffic and having to listen to that new kid’s music. Get off my lawn! I’m not in the car often enough to have any of that new stuff light my fancy. I love me some...oldies (it pains me to type that, but that’s what the kids these days are calling 60’s-80’s music). I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE that stuff, and I love playing “Name That Tune” with my son. Some songs it’s just a few notes, I shout out the song and the artist and my son gives me the look. It’s the ‘really Mom? Show off! Like you couldn’t give me a chance, I knew that one!’ look. We laugh. Then I get goofy, sing along, and jam at the red lights. Sure, most times he slinks down in his seat, but if his sister is in the car, we got a duet going on. Especially if it’s Billy Idol’s “Mony Mony”. For some reason my daughter thinks he’s singing ‘naked mall rat, naked mall rat’, instead of “Mony Mony”. Then my son will sing along and jam. OMG! Billy Idol is playing at the Rialto in Joliet. I need to find out if any radio station is giving away tickets!

So now I have 2 fm transmitters. If the van is ever running again my spouse can use the extra.

Lola’s Diner cc. 2008-2019

What is 1/2 jumping for joy, 1/2 bummed?

Answer: 1/2 jumping for joy is wearing a suit you bought in 2015 and you are wishing for belt loops, and the jacket that was snug buttoned, can now be pulled out more than 3 inches. I knew I lost weight because the doctor’s office scale shows it every visit. And I can no longer wear my jeans because they require a belt and a lot of bunching to not have them fall down. I found 2 pairs of Old Navy Khakis in my closet around Christmas (I had the kids pulling clothes out for me to check sizes). They both require belts. I need to send the kids on another search mission. I went through a stack of gift cards yesterday and checked the balances on the Old Navy cards. Zero on both. ☹️ (Why did I keep them if they were zero?) I hope there is at least 1 pair a size smaller in the closet. I love me some Women’s boot-cut khakis. 

The scale showing you lost weight is one thing, but actually SEEING the clothes falling off? That’s priceless. It’s been over 3 months on a really low carb diet. Not Keto, because that diet is nuts. I really, really miss pasta. I tried frozen zoodles (Green Giant Zucchini Noodles) and I had to spit it out, it was that awful. I was thinking about getting a Spiralizer, but don’t want to waste an Amazon gift card if I hate it. I decided I’d buy some raw zucchini and use my food processor shredder. Not long noodles, call them zoostaccoli-? (About 1+ inch shreds slightly resembling mostaccoli if you squint really hard). I have to remember next time I shop. 

Answer:  1/2 bumming...attorneys suck donkey. Yup, that pretty much describes them.

Lola’s Diner cc 2008-2019

Fun times...not!

Pre-deposition meeting with my attorney is later today. It’s past 4am and sleep is nowhere in sight.

I wouldn’t say I’m nervous about being deposed. I’ve done it once before. Former employer. Broker allegedly absconded with client lists, realtor compensation schedules, and agents and a lot more to start a new company. Never did hear how it was resolved. 

Deposition is next week. I really hope this shifts gears to settlement quickly. I need my cars fixed and have a lot hanging over my head. It would be nice to finally bring this car accident to a close, at least financially. 

Cancelled to be rescheduled. 

Lola’s Diner cc  2008-2019

It’s a good thing...

It’s a good thing I don’t accept what the staff at my daughter’s group home says without thoroughly checking outside sources. 

My daughter returned to her group home last Wednesday. Since that time various staff have told her that her food stamp balance was zero. (All the group home residents have it. Even if they have a part time job, they receive something.) 

Thursday my daughter was very sick and gave her nasty housemate a short list of groceries. Staff and the nasty housemate refused and came home with nothing for my daughter. By Saturday she was still sick and staff were still saying she had zero food stamps. I had to go to the store and spend MY money and buy her what she needed. By evening the Team Lead aka House Manager finally got back to her and told her she didn’t have a food stamp card at all. 

Lies, lies, lies. Today I picked up my daughter and we went to public aid to get the truth. Yes she has a decent monthly benefit put on her card the 1st of EVERYmonth. Which meant that last Wednesday she had food stamps. And what else did we find out? Her card had not been used for 5 months! That’s a lots of food stamps. So that means that they have been lying to her for months saying she had used hers up by mid month.

So I dropped my daughter back at her program and went home. Then I made a call to the Director. I’m sure they are tired of hearing from me. But you know what? Too bad. Someone who knows the system had to help her. The Assistant Director was still in a meeting. (They always are, they do it to stall.) He called me back. I let him talk to see how far down the hole he was digging would go. Turns out pretty far. He claimed her card was inactive. Not true. He claimed they had spent weeks trying to fix the situation. Also not true. It doesn’t take weeks. I know someone who last month got their card activated in 20 minutes. Every time he said something and I replied, I waited, didn’t say anything to see where he was going next. I asked if the card could be misplaced, how could it not have been used when my daughter was being told every month that she had no food stamps for the last 1 or 2 weeks of the month. He got indignant and say no, no, no way could it be lost. Really? Why so indignant? Eventually I reported staff who had lied to my daughter and who refused to allow her to buy food. I also complained that my daughter’s special diet restrictions list was ripped off the kitchen wall and they were buying food she couldn’t eat. There was one really long pause after that one. Apologies, apologies. He will definitely speak with staff. Then he has the nerve to thank me for again doing their job. He actually says “thank you for doing our job”. How about  pay me every time I do their job? How about give me a gift card? A grocery gift card for all the times I had to buy my daughter food because staff was lying to her and wouldn’t let her buy groceries? How about even just a Thank You card in the mail?

So now I’m wrecked for the entire rest of today and tomorrow. I’m on pain pills, lying down and icing. I can’t do sitting for very long, and sitting in bad waiting room chairs is just torture.

I feel bad for other housemates whose families aren’t getting involved at all. When my daughter tells me about them I do point them in the right direction, give them a note about where to call.

Nasty housemate update:  Thursday night she was screaming my daughter’s name and staff all night long. My daughter felt safe because of the lock on her door. She was exhausted from being sick and fell asleep quickly. She was woken up periodically by screaming, but she went back to sleep.

Hoping my daughter feels better today. She missed 3 days of work. Wednesday she goes to her PCP.

•••••UPDATE:  My daughter called me and woke me up (she always does) to tell me that the Team Lead called her and scolded her for having me contact the Director. She proceeded to say my daughter was WRONG, that my daughter DOES NOT HAVE A LINK CARD AND AHE HAS NO FOOD STAMPS. She better slow her roll because she’s flying off the handle with faulty information. Apparently the Director forwarded my email to her asking what’s up with this, and apparently had not informed her that my daughter has a card and a monthly benefit. My daughter corrected her, I do have a Link card, Team Lead says no you don’t, and my daughter says we went to Public Aid and got the FACTS. I fired off an email detailing the conversation and asking if he informed the Team Lead and all staff about her Link card, AND reminding them that even if there is no Link card they cannot refuse to take clients grocery shopping. 

•••••UPDATE #2:  Still no shopping trip today. My daughter went to the doctor and was put on a very limited diet. Crackers, broth, decaf tea, water with lemon, G2 because she is very dehydrated and he wants the reduced sugar Gatorade. There was only 1 can of broth in the house, nothing else. I spoke with the Team Lead who lied, lied, lied. Claimed she never told my daughter she had no Link card, etc. Also claimed my daughter didn’t say she needed these items. Also not true. She claimed she would get what my daughter needed, but would not commit to when my daughter would get the items. Will she have them for lunch, for dinner, or later? I asked several times and she changed the subject every time. I am fed up. I asked for reimbursement for the groceries I bought last week. We’ll see how that goes. I could really use the money.

Happy New Year!

Lola’s Diner cc 2008-2019